Learnings & Leanings
It has been a period of ups and downs, these past six months. In retrospect, it has been mainly downs, but my affinity for that "bigger picture" leads me to believe that several negatives make for some positives.
And so, I have lost all that I thought was once most important to me. I am being taught, repeatedly, how shallow those things are, that I so dearly value. It is being drilled into me with fervor, the baselessness of what I regarded most important.
And through pain, I have learnt strength; through lack of effort, I have learned perseverence; through broken relationships, I have learned to live on my own.
The people I least valued, I realise now, are those who matter most. And the people I thought mattered most? Tsk... forget it. And that's the most hurting, y'know - to actually discover that your judgement has been wrong, and that you have wronged. It doesn't matter too much that you have been wronged too - at the time when the knife pierces you, you're only thinking "Oh my God! I was such a bitch!"
But you learn to live with it, because really, you must learn to live with yourself. When push comes to shove, there's only one person you toss and turn around with at night. Yourself.
Learning to live with yourself is hard. Learning to love yourself is harder. But the effort has been made, is being made, and I think that counts for something.
Yea... I'm doing ok...
posted by La Eposa @ 5:55 AM
